Well, it is time to wish everyone goodnight & sweet dreams !! I did not get a chance to blog this am , had to up and go out the house first thing. Alot, has been going on around me these days. Some days are good days others not so good and some just blah. Today was just one of those blah moment/days. Probably as tomorrow ( in two minutes if one wants to be exact ) is my stepsons birthday. He has been up in Heaven now , this year marks the fifth year. I will NEVER forget the night before nor the phone call from his sister. It just as a mom broke my heart. He struggled for years with addiction/alcohol/depression. The addiction took him in the end. The night before he passed I woke up out of a sound sleep totally unable to go back to sleep. So, I went in the living room to lay on the couch and watch some tv till I could sleep. All of a sudden I got chills very very cold. This is no lie nor exaggeration. And started sneezing uncontrollably. I wrote it off as sinuses/cold. Till the next day when Amos ( Amy/his sister ) called. Amy and I had discussed that it had to have been Bobby coming to say his last goodbye. I know that sounds strange. But, I believe highly that those things happen. I don't look for them but they do happen. My steps son and I were very close . He was a friend/and my husbands son. I took him in as my husband took my son in. Granted, we didn't always get along but for the most part we did other than when the partying was in his life. As, I have been sober and clean now for 10 years. So, it was hard for me to watch what he was doing to himself. I wish life would have been different for him. But, good or bad it is always God's plan. We kinda laugh sometimes as we know Bobby would too if he were here . But, he passed away just as the King did, Elvis Presley. Not with prescription pills or anything but in the same manner as the King died . In the bathroom. The terrible sad thing that as a mom that broke my heart was hearing his sister cry on the other end of the phone and being so far away from us. They lived in Montana and we lived in the center of the heartland. But, Bobby and I were close as I said. We talked alot. We would always change from one day to the next either he would cook or I would cook dinner. And the deal was whomever did not cook had to clean the mess up. And, boy could that boy cook some mean mac and cheese. I still to this day can not master it the way he did. He always got it to be the homemade style, creamy and cheesy. LOL !! And, omg I found out early on in mine and his dads relationship do NOT let that boy go overboard with the coffee !! He will drive you crazy !! LOL !!! And, just reflecting on his funny little ways. Even though he was a young man he always had that kid spirit. I HATE drugs I HATE what it does to people and families. I don't mean to upset anyone in the family. I am an emotional feeling type of gal. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I never say anything to anyone that I would never personally tell to your face. I do not play that !! There used to be a point and time I myself did not care about anyone let alone their feelings. Alot has happened in this family throughout the years. Some I wish I had control over to change it for the better. But, I am not God. I do not play God. If you truly know me you know I speak only from the heart,that is always how it was taught to be. Sometimes, I wish our Bobby and I's relationship had been better at times. Most of the time we were both forgiving people. He never let things get to him. He would always tell me ya know lub ( nickname ) just smile at the one's who bother you and like to talk, cause ya know what it bugs the crap out of them the nicer you are. I have not wrote about him in quit some time. I don't know why , maybe denial or just flat out don't want to feel that loss and sadness again. My husband such a sweet soul he is. It always tears a man up when they lose a loved one but to lose a child let alone their only son is HELL !!!! I will never forget he kept saying he lost his best friend not just his son !!! I have only heard one other man say that as he too lost his son and we are good friends with them. But anyways. Yes, I don't like to be sad who does but this year is double hard. It has been the five year anniversary Bobby has been gone. And, now it marks his 35th birthday today. September 21st. Yes, hubs and I have an age difference but who the hell cares when someone like him loves me as he does. Love does not discriminate it does not care about age. Granted, he does not have white hair and he is not bed ridden. LOL !!! My husband does not look his age and of course neither do I so people say. I will never forget the one season I really got into American Idol the year of Carrie Underwood/Bo Bice. I was a Bo fan lol !! I called in every show for Bo Bice. And, needless to say I was not a happy camper when he did not when the title. In fact, I only watched twice since then. Well, for my birthday that year Bo's CD came out his newest one. My stepson went and bought that for me the day before my birthday, and he gave it to me for a birthday present. He also made me a cake from scratch that year. He truly was a good kid. So, with that my son, this year in honor of your birthday cake, I will make a birthday cake in honor of your birthday. We miss you dear one and not a day goes by where a thought of you pops in our heads. Happy Heavenly Birthday Bob Jr !!!!!!
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